Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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