There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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