but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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