awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize