Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize