tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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