I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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