Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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