i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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