For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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