I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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