why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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