my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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