im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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