This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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