capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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