Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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