I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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