Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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