There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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