How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize