She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize