I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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