Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize