we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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