the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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