I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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