Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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