Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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