i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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