You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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