I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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