I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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