I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize