i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize