I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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