Please, let me fuck your mom
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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