I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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