The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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