dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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