Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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