Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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