96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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