I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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