Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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