Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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