Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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