He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your tits are I can't wait for
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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