Princesses don't give blow jobs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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