Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize